Chapter 21 - Lena’s apology
Lena’s first apology was terrible.
“I’m sorry things got out of hand.”
No.
Second:
“I’m sorry Eli got perfume in his eyes.”
Passive.
No.
Third:
“I’m sorry I reacted to his whining.”
Still blaming the behavior.
Then, eighteen months after the incident, a letter came through her therapist.
I read it alone.
Anna, I sprayed Eli in the face.
Good.
He did not cause that by complaining.
Better.
I knew he disliked strong smells, and I used the exact thing he disliked because I wanted to make him stop.
There.
I told myself I was teaching him that the world would not accommodate every discomfort. What I actually taught him was that an adult might hurt him for saying stop.
I had to stop reading.
Then continue.
Mom laughing and Dad defending me made it easier for me to keep pretending I had done something small. They did not make me do it.
Good.
You slapping me did not cause what I did first. Your action is yours. Mine is mine.
Exactly.
Then:
I am sorry.
No request to see Eli.
No:
I miss my nephew.
No pressure.
I replied:
I received your letter. Thank you for being specific.
May you like
Nothing else.
Not yet.
