Chapter 13 - The custody evaluator
Family court appointed Dr. Monica Green to evaluate parenting and safety.
Not to decide criminal guilt.
She interviewed:
Me.
Michael.
Emily.
Reviewed:
Records.
School.
Medical.
Forensic interview summary where permitted.
Therapy information limited.
Michael’s strengths:
Historically involved parent.
Attended school conferences.
Coached soccer for two years.
Helped with math.
No prior substantiated abuse.
Stable employment history.
No substance problem.
His risks:
Anger.
Control.
Minimization.
Failure to seek care after explicit recommendation.
Use of secrecy.
Difficulty respecting adolescent autonomy.
Me:
Primary medical coordinator historically.
Stable.
Protective.
Risk:
Could become overprotective and turn Emily’s understandable fear into total avoidance.
I hated that.
Then Dr. Green asked:
“Would you support future contact if clinically safe?”
“I don’t know.”
“That is not the same as no.”
“No.”
Then:
“Do you want Michael punished?”
“Yes.”
Honest.
“Does that affect your parenting decisions?”
“I hope not.”
Better than denying anger.
Then Emily.
She said she wanted no contact.
Would she ever?
“Maybe when he admits he chose himself.”
Not:
When he apologizes.
Specific.
Then Dr. Green asked:
“Do you believe your father wanted you seriously hurt?”
Emily cried.
“No.”
“Do you believe he intended to push you?”
“Yes.”
“Did he intend the bowel injury?”
“I don’t think he knew that would happen.”
That nuance helped her credibility.
Then:
“What are you afraid he might do now?”
“Make me believe it wasn’t real.”
There.
Not:
Kill me.
Not:
Kidnap me.
Psychological danger.
Then custody recommendation pending criminal trial:
Sarah temporary sole physical custody.
Michael retains legal parent status but no direct decision-making while no-contact order active except emergency information rights through counsel.
After criminal case:
Reassess.
Possible therapeutic contact if Michael:
Accepts factual responsibility.
Completes intervention.
Respects Emily’s pace.
No forced reunion.
Then Michael’s lawyer attacked evaluator for relying on unresolved allegations.
Dr. Green answered:
“I am evaluating risk under temporary conditions, not declaring guilt.”
Good.
Then divorce finances.
We began settlement.
House value:
$612,000.
Mortgage:
$297,000.
Joint equity:
Around $315,000 before costs.
Retirement:
Mine $284,000.
Michael $338,000.
Brokerage:
$96,000.
No secret millions.
Proposal:
Sell house after school year unless I refinance.
I wanted to keep.
Could afford if support/settlement.
Maybe.
But Emily asked:
“Can we move?”
“Why?”
“Kitchen.”
There.
The island.
I had stopped noticing it.
She had not.
So we planned sale.
May you like
Not before trial.
Too much at once.
