Chapter 19 - My mother asks to babysit
Diane waited nearly two years before asking.
“Could I ever babysit Ruby again?”
We were at a supervised café visit.
Ruby was drawing.
I stared.
“No.”
Diane nodded.
Then:
“Ever?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay.”
She did not argue.
Later Dr. Grant asked why I reacted so strongly.
“Because she deleted the video.”
“Yes.”
“She lied at hospital.”
“Yes.”
“She protected Vanessa.”
“Yes.”
“Has she done anything unsafe with Ruby during eighteen months of supervised contact?”
“No.”
“Does that mean you should allow babysitting?”
“No.”
“Correct.”
I almost laughed.
Evaluation was not pressure toward forgiveness.
It was distinguishing:
Current safety.
Future possibility.
Parent preference.
Then Walter did not ask.
He seemed to understand he was further away.
Then Ruby’s second-grade school schedule.
Diane wanted to attend Grandparents Day.
I hated the event name.
Ruby wanted her.
“Grandma come.”
“What about Grandpa?”
“No.”
Simple.
Diane attended.
Teacher knew history only to extent necessary for pickup/safety.
No gossip file.
Diane did not post photos.
Did not introduce herself as primary caregiver.
Did not tell anyone “after everything we’ve been through.”
She sat in a tiny chair.
Ruby showed her math folder.
That was all.
Then Walter’s turn came months later at a science fair.
Ruby asked him.
I approved with supervision by me.
He came.
No issue.
Then Vanessa’s incarceration.
She completed programs.
Financial restitution.
No disciplinary issues.
Earliest release approaching after serving required portion.
Her lawyer petitioned for sentence modification? No extraordinary basis.
Denied/withdrawn.
She served.
Then Colin and Vanessa’s divorce finalized.
She received limited equity from marital home and retirement division.
Part of her liquid share went toward civil judgment/restitution.
No one stripped her of everything.
Colin rebuilt career as project manager for another contractor.
Crowe Residential dissolved after final creditors paid/settled.
No connection to me.
Then my parents’ medical account contribution grew.
Diane wanted to add more.
I allowed through formal account.
Walter added too.
Ruby’s adaptive devices and therapies paid.
Again:
Money did not buy sleepovers.
Then Ruby asked:
“Why Grandma can school but not babysit?”
Because six-year-olds? Now eight maybe. Need keep timeline not too long. We're around 2 years later, Ruby 8. Okay.
“Because school has teachers and other adults. Babysitting means Grandma is the adult in charge.”
“Grandma bad at charge?”
“She made a serious unsafe choice before. Trust for being in charge takes longer.”
Ruby nodded.
“Grandma wait.”
“Yes.”
And Diane did.
May you like
That waiting slowly changed my answer from never toward maybe.
Not yet.
