Chapter 22 - Marcella’s apology fails twice
Marcella’s first apology came through counsel.
“I regret that Elowen was distressed.”
No.
Second:
“I am sorry my conflict with her father affected her.”
Closer.
Still passive.
Elowen did not read either.
Why would she?
At eight, she had better things to do than evaluate adult legal prose.
Then almost two years after the gala, Marcella asked through her therapist and counsel whether she could send a letter directly to me for Elowen’s future consideration.
I said:
“Send it to me. I decide if and when she sees it.”
The letter began:
Elowen,
I took photographs of your mother from you because I hated what your mother represented to me.
There.
I stopped.
Continued later.
I was angry at your father and at business decisions your mother made years before you could understand any of them.
There.
I treated your photographs as if hurting them could hurt her reputation.
There.
I knew hurting the photographs hurt you.
There.
Then the hardest line:
I also learned that upsetting you made your father react, and I continued because I wanted his reaction.
There.
No:
accident.
No:
misunderstanding.
She wrote:
You were seven. You were not responsible for your mother’s choices, your father’s choices, my family’s company, or my anger.
Good.
And:
I pushed you at the gala. I should never have touched you.
Good.
I did not give Elowen the letter immediately.
At nine, she asked:
“Did Marcella ever say sorry?”
“Yes.”
“Real?”
“I think more real than before.”
“Can I see?”
I gave it.
She read slowly.
Then:
“She hated Mommy?”
“Yes.”
“Did Mommy hate her?”
“I don’t know.”
That was true.
Celine rarely wasted enough energy to hate.
Elowen folded the letter.
“Can I throw it away?”
“Yes.”
May you like
She did.
Repair does not require preservation.
