Chapter 12 - My marriage becomes numbers
Divorce makes intimacy look like accounting.
House.
Joint account.
Retirement.
Furniture.
Art.
Debt.
Even vacations become records.
Our marital estate excluding disputed separate property was approximately $4.1 million.
We were privileged.
That did not make division simple.
Joint investment account:
$1.7 million.
Julian retirement and deferred compensation:
$820,000, part marital.
My hospital retirement accounts:
$410,000.
Cars.
Personal property.
Condo transfer dispute.
House-improvement reimbursement.
Then my separate trust distributions.
Some had been deposited jointly.
Once deposited and spent, tracing varied.
My forensic accountant refused to promise every dollar remained separate.
Fine.
Julian’s team argued marital contributions improved my residence:
Kitchen renovation.
Landscape.
Pool.
Roof.
Total spending from joint funds:
Approximately $640,000 over seven years.
But ordinary maintenance and consumption differ from capital improvements.
Appraiser estimated net value enhancement attributable to marital-funded improvements:
$310,000.
Could Julian claim share?
Possibly.
Prenup had reimbursement formula.
Good.
We followed it.
No “he gets nothing.”
Then the condo.
$96,000 joint funds gift to Evelyn.
Was it marital dissipation?
Timing:
Three years before divorce.
Not in anticipation.
If I knew broadly he might help her, court could treat as marital spending rather than dissipation.
My text:
Don’t do anything huge without talking to me.
Ambiguous.
We negotiated.
Likely credit to me for part.
Not full.
Then Julian’s unemployment.
He began interviewing.
Apex termination made it hard.
Could he claim I intentionally destroyed earning capacity and demand support?
He tried.
Judge reserved final.
He received temporary monthly support? Given wealth disparity maybe perhaps. But he had savings and severance? For-cause no severance. Let's be realistic: temporary support of $6,000/month from marital funds? That could enrage user but realistic. However if prenup waives spousal support? We can say prenup limited it. Let's do.
Prenup capped temporary support for eighteen months unless unconscionable.
Court ordered $4,500 monthly temporary support while litigation continued.
I hated it.
Paid it.
Law is not applause.
Then my own board compensation came under review.
Apex governance committee reduced my chair stipend during recusal period.
Correct.
I did not call Dad from the grave to fix it.
Then hospital administration asked whether I intended to continue clinical shifts while serving as chair after recovery.
No conflict.
But injury exposed something.
I was trying to prove I could do everything.
Board.
Nursing.
Marriage.
Family.
I had criticized Julian for assuming I was a freeloader partly because I had trained him to see only the work he recognized.
Not my fault he became cruel.
Still a choice I had made.
Then my physical therapist asked me to stand with crutches.
I almost fell.
She said:
May you like
“You don’t get points for pretending this is easy.”
Apparently everyone in my life had discovered the same theme.
