Chapter 13 - Our childhood hierarchy
Melissa had been Dad’s easy daughter.
I had been:
the one with opinions.
She played softball.
I read novels.
She ate whatever Mom cooked.
I hated mushrooms.
She dated the boy Dad liked.
I dated Ryan.
Every difference became evidence.
Melissa is practical.
Rachel is dramatic.
Melissa understands family.
Rachel has to make everything complicated.
When I married Ryan, Dad offered to pay for the reception only if we invited twenty business acquaintances.
I said no.
Melissa later accepted similar conditions for her wedding.
Dad paid.
For years, I told myself:
See? Melissa lets them control her.
Years later, she told me:
“I thought you were the brave one because you could say no.”
Different child.
Same hierarchy.
The favored child can envy the scapegoat’s freedom.
The scapegoat can envy the favored child’s approval.
Parents then call the system:
personality.
At thirty-four, I finally saw what we had passed to Ethan and Lily.
My parents did not wake up deciding to recreate our childhood.
They simply never questioned the framework.
Children who accommodate adults are good.
Children who make adults adjust are difficult.
Ethan was naturally more adaptable in their home.
Lily was more willing to say:
No.
Stop.
I don’t like that.
So the system selected them.
May you like
No conspiracy needed.
That was the frightening part.
