Chapter 24 - Judith’s letter
Judith completed probation requirements early? Not probation itself. She completed mandated program and five days custody already. Probation still ongoing.
She wrote a letter.
Not to Sadie directly.
To Noah’s lawyer.
Then through Rebecca to me.
I chose to read.
Alyssa,
I struck Sadie because I was angry that I could no longer control how you raised her.
Specific.
I used the word genetics because I wanted to make something normal about a two-year-old sound like a defect that came from you. There was no medical basis.
Good.
I had been keeping notes about you because Noah was afraid of divorce and I was afraid his divorce would expose what he had done with the company money.
There.
I told myself I was helping my son. I was also protecting my company.
Specific.
Then:
Noah told me not to touch Sadie that day. I ignored him. The slap was my decision.
Important.
Nothing Alyssa did afterward makes my decision smaller.
Good.
Then:
Her hitting Noah and pushing me was wrong. I used that wrongdoing immediately as proof that I had been right about her. I was not.
That was strong.
Then:
I do not expect to see Sadie now. If there is ever a safe path later, I will follow it. If there is not, I will live with that.
No demand.
I folded the letter.
Did I forgive?
No.
Did it change something?
Yes.
Then I asked Noah:
“Did you help her write it?”
“No.”
“Lawyer?”
“Probably reviewed.”
Fine.
Words can still be true after lawyers remove dangerous phrases.
Then Sadie’s pediatric visit.
Cheek long healed.
No physical consequence.
Speech delay?
Improving with early-language support.
No genetic disorder.
The pediatrician laughed when I awkwardly asked if any genetic testing was indicated solely because Judith’s comment had lodged in my head.
“No.”
“Nothing?”
“Not based on what you’ve described.”
Sadie had normal variation.
Words had made me fear a diagnosis that did not exist.
I hated Judith for that too.
Then I caught myself.
May you like
No need to keep inventing new reasons.
The existing ones were enough.
