Chapter 12 - MY OWN FAILUREI had left the boys with Diane alone before.
Many times.
That fact tortured me.
Then something worse.
Two months earlier, I had seen Diane add something to a bottle.
I asked:
“What’s that?”
She said:
“For gas.”
I accepted it.
Why?
Because the boys were crying.
Because I was exhausted.
Because she had raised children.
Because I wanted five minutes of silence.
I told Detective Bennett.
Then my lawyer.
Then Rachel.
“I let her.”
Rachel said:
“You didn’t know.”
“I didn’t ask.”
“You asked.”
“I didn’t check.”
I wanted punishment.
Guilt volunteered.
My therapist later said something I hated:
“Responsibility requires knowledge and choice.”
I had knowledge that Diane added a supposed gas remedy.
I did not have knowledge that it contained a dangerous sedative.
Still, I changed afterward.
May you like
I stopped saying I had “never seen anything.”
Accuracy mattered even when painful.
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