Chapter 17 - The custody evaluation turns on Jason
Dr. Becker’s interim report was harder on Jason than he expected.
Not because he wanted shared custody.
Because he outsourced conflict to Margaret.
She wrote:
Jason has historically used his mother as a regulator of marital and parenting tension rather than setting direct boundaries with either Laura or Margaret.
That sentence was devastatingly accurate.
Examples:
When I objected to Margaret’s school pickup:
Jason asked Margaret to “keep things calm” rather than tell her no.
When Margaret criticized me:
Jason told me not to react.
When I got angry:
Jason told Margaret:
“Laura’s sensitive.”
Each woman became the problem he discussed with the other.
Then:
This triangulation contributed to Margaret’s inflated perception of authority.
There.
He had not authorized her plan.
He had helped build the environment where she believed a plan was hers to make.
Then me.
Laura demonstrates strong protective instincts but can become overinvolved in Emma’s emotional regulation and has responded impulsively under acute anger.
The slap.
School avoidance.
Overpacking.
Repeated questions after visits.
Fair.
Then recommendation:
Joint legal custody.
Primary school-night residence with me for current school year.
Jason substantial parenting.
No grandparent unsupervised care for at least six months.
Both parents continue therapy/parent education.
Review after lower conflict.
No finding either parent unfit.
Then Jason said:
“I accept it.”
His attorney was surprised.
He could challenge.
He did not.
Why?
“Because she’s right about me.”
That was behavior.
Then I challenged one point.
I wanted sole authority over mental-health care because Margaret had weaponized behavior.
Dr. Becker disagreed.
“Jason has not interfered with therapy.”
True.
“Then joint access with no unilateral provider changes is sufficient.”
Judge later agreed.
May you like
Narrow.
No permanent reward for being more frightened.
