Chapter 15 - My own parenting gets examined
Millicent’s defense was not:
Gideon is evil.
It was:
Gideon cannot see how anxious Silas is because guilt controls him.
That accusation hurt because there was some truth nearby.
After Amanda died, I let Silas call me at work more often than most six-year-olds needed.
If he cried at sleepovers, I picked him up.
If a babysitter said:
“He’s asking for you,”
I sometimes returned early.
I had turned down three work trips.
Was that wrong?
Not necessarily.
But Dr. Ellison had been helping me widen his tolerance gradually.
Millicent believed I was sabotaging that.
She produced texts:
Silas crying again. I think you should let him stay instead of coming.
My reply:
I’m five minutes away. I’ll get him.
Another:
He has to learn you come back.
My reply:
He watched Amanda not come back. Different.
That sentence became evidence for both sides.
Compassion.
And my own fear.
Dr. Ellison told me:
“You may be over-accommodating some separations.”
I hated that.
Then:
“Does that justify residential placement?”
“No.”
“Would you have recommended it?”
“Absolutely not.”
Good.
Two truths.
My mother had identified a real parenting challenge and chosen an wildly disproportionate solution.
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I had identified her control and responded physically at the park.
Our family had a talent for noticing one valid thing and using it to justify too much.
