Chapter 21 - Millicent’s first real apology
Her first three apologies failed.
“I’m sorry the park became traumatic.”
No.
“I’m sorry I misjudged the program.”
No.
“I’m sorry I thought I had more authority than I did.”
Closer.
The useful apology came seventeen months after the park.
Handwritten.
Gideon,
I scheduled North Ridge knowing you would say no.
There.
I copied your signature because I believed getting Silas through the intake process mattered more than your permission.
There.
I packed his room because I wanted him to feel he could not insist on returning home.
That one hurt.
I broke his toys because he kept asking for you and I thought removing things he cared about would teach him to stop.
There.
I shoved him when he ran for the truck.
There.
Then:
I told myself I was treating separation anxiety.
I was using fear of loss to force separation.
I stopped reading.
Came back the next morning.
She wrote:
After Amanda died, you needed me. Silas needed me. I built a large part of my life around being necessary to both of you.
There.
When you needed me less, I did not experience that as recovery. I experienced it as rejection.
There.
I began treating every choice you made without me as evidence that you were making a mistake.
There.
North Ridge was the worst version of that.
Then:
You shoved me into the mud. You have taken responsibility. I used that act for months to tell myself we were equally wrong.
We were not equally responsible for what happened to Silas.
Accuracy.
Finally.
I replied:
I received your letter. Thank you for naming what you did accurately. I am not ready for unsupervised contact.
She answered:
I understand.
May you like
No protest.
New evidence.
