Chapter 20 - Vanessa and Dad
My father was the first person Vanessa reconciled with.
Not Mom.
Interesting.
Dad stopped reassuring her.
For most of her life, when Vanessa was upset, Dad said:
“You’re not a bad person.”
After the slap, he refused.
She asked:
“Do you think I’m horrible?”
Dad answered:
“I think what you did was horrible.”
Different.
Vanessa cried.
Dad let her.
No rescue.
Later she asked:
“Do you still love me?”
“Yes.”
“Do you respect me?”
“Not the way I did before.”
Hard.
Specific.
Dad told me this only after Vanessa said he could.
That boundary improvement impressed me almost as much as the conversation.
The letter changed their relationship too.
Dad admitted giving it to her partly because he wanted:
“To break through.”
Vanessa said:
“It did.”
Then:
“But you shouldn’t have used Caleb to do it.”
Good.
Dad apologized.
The family was learning that a child’s pain does not belong to adults as a teaching device.
Not physical pain.
May you like
Not emotional pain.
Not a letter.
