Chapter 23 - Ethan apologizes without buying anything
Ethan’s early apologies came with objects.
Flowers.
New shawl.
Offer to replace my car.
Offer to renovate my kitchen.
I rejected all of them.
Finally I said:
“If you buy me one more thing because you feel guilty, I’m mailing it to Vanessa.”
He laughed.
Then cried.
We were sitting on my back porch.
He said:
“I was ashamed.”
I looked at him.
“Of me?”
“Not exactly.”
“Bad answer.”
“I know.”
He tried again.
“I was ashamed that everything felt unequal.”
“What?”
“The Mitchell house. Their money. Their family connections. And then I’d think about introducing them to you and Dad’s old truck in the photos and your house and—”
He stopped.
I waited.
“I wanted everyone comfortable.”
“Meaning?”
“I wanted you dressed right. I wanted Vanessa less judgmental. I wanted her parents not to ask weird questions. I wanted no one to notice the gap.”
“There was always going to be a gap.”
“I know.”
“You thought hiding it would make it disappear.”
“Yes.”
That hurt.
Then he said:
“I never wanted to hide you.”
“You let someone else keep me out.”
His eyes filled.
“Yes.”
There.
Not:
Vanessa tricked me.
She did.
But he had participated through passivity.
He apologized.
May you like
No flowers.
Better.
