Chapter 15 - MY DAUGHTER DOES NOT CONTROL MY LIFE
Therapy produced an uncomfortable correction.
I had started asking Lowri permission for too many adult things.
“Do you want Grandma visit?”
Appropriate.
“Do you want Daddy ever date again?”
Not appropriate.
She was five.
Dr. Evelyn stopped me.
“Lowri needs safety, not veto power over your adult relationships.”
I knew.
But guilt made me overcorrect.
If Thomasin failed because I did not listen to Lowri, maybe I should let Lowri decide everything.
No.
That would make her responsible for my loneliness.
Another burden.
So I told her:
“Someday Daddy might date someone again.”
She frowned.
“Not Thomasin.”
“No.”
“Do I choose?”
“No.”
She looked offended.
“But if someone is mean to you, you tell me.”
“Then I choose no?”
“I choose what to do, but I listen.”
She thought.
“Okay.”
Healthy hierarchy.
Then my mother complained through counselor that Lowri was becoming “too empowered.”
I almost laughed.
The counselor replied:
“Having a voice is not having adult authority.”
Good.
Then Mother’s second visit.
Park.
Supervised.
Lowri brought her album pieces.
Mother looked nervous.
Lowri said:
“Help tape?”
That surprised everyone.
Mother asked:
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
They repaired one page together.
The page with Carys and Lowri at the beach.
Mother did not alter.
Did not suggest Thomasin.
Just tape.
A small action.
Then Lowri asked:
“Can Grandma be in album?”
She already was.
Different page.
Mother smiled.
“Yes, if you want.”
Good.
No replacement.
Addition.
That was the concept everyone should have understood from the beginning.
Then Thomasin heard about visits and sent angry email through counsel:
“Honora gets rehabilitation while I get exiled.”
Different.
Grandmother had legal and emotional relationship.
Thomasin was former fiancée who had directly destroyed property and no independent right to Lowri.
No symmetry.
I did not respond.
Then Thomasin requested return of some photographs containing her from Lowri’s album.
No.
Photographs gifted to Lowri belonged to her.
Could request copies.
We provided digital copies where appropriate.
No need weaponize.
Then my diversion completed.
No conviction.
Restitution paid.
Thomasin’s frame replaced? She chose cash equivalent.
Done.
I wanted to feel cleared.
Instead I felt embarrassed every time I remembered glass exploding near her feet.
May you like
Good memory.
Behavioral boundary.
