Chapter 2 - WHAT THE DOCTOR HAD SAIDThe doctor’s name was Dr. Marcus Levin.
I remembered it because I made him repeat everything.
Twice.
Lily had a small, nondisplaced fracture along the right side of her skull.
There was also a thin area of bleeding beneath the skull that the pediatric neurology team believed could be monitored rather than operated on immediately.
She was alert.
Her pupils were reactive.
She was feeding.
Her vital signs were stable.
Those were the good words.
The terrifying words were:
newborn.
skull fracture.
intracranial bleeding.
repeat imaging.
neurological observation.
Dr. Levin did not tell us Lily would definitely be fine.
He also did not tell us she was dying.
He told us what doctors tell frightened parents when reality refuses to provide certainty.
“We are watching her closely.”
I kept asking:
“Could she get worse?”
“Yes.”
“Will she?”
“We don’t know.”
“Could this affect her brain?”
“It is too early to make broad predictions.”
“Does she need surgery?”
“Not based on what we see right now.”
Right now.
I hated those words.
The fall had happened less than two hours earlier.
Patricia slapped me in my postpartum room.
I stumbled backward.
My hip hit the edge of a chair.
Lily slipped.
I tried to catch her.
My fingers caught the pink blanket.
Not enough.
She struck the hospital floor.
The sound was not loud.
That somehow made it worse.
A tiny impact.
Then silence.
Half a second.
Then Lily screamed.
I screamed too.
A nurse came running.
Patricia said immediately:
“She dropped the baby.”
Not:
I hit Emily.
Not:
I caused this.
She dropped the baby.
Daniel had been downstairs getting coffee.
He came back to chaos.
By the time he reached us, Lily was already surrounded by nurses.
I could barely talk.
Patricia filled the empty space.
“Emily got dizzy.”
“She stood too fast.”
“She lost her balance.”
Daniel believed at least some of that because I was postpartum, exhausted, and still dizzy sometimes.
Then I finally got Lily back in my arms after imaging.
Then Dr. Levin gave us the update.
May you like
Then Patricia followed us into the hallway.
And made the mistake of telling me what to say when I was finally coherent enough to hear her.
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