Chapter 9 - The hug rule
It began after Easter.
Carla tried hugging Lily goodbye.
Lily stepped back.
“No thanks.”
Carla became offended.
Helen told Lily:
“That’s rude.”
I was in another room and heard only the end.
I came in.
“What happened?”
Helen said:
“Nothing.”
Lily later told me Carla was mad because she didn’t want a hug.
I said:
“You don’t have to hug anyone.”
Correct.
Then I made my own mistake.
I did not confront Helen directly.
Why?
Because Daniel said:
“Please don’t make this another family summit.”
I agreed.
That was the phrase we used.
Family summit.
Every boundary became overdramatic if I wanted to address it clearly.
So I told Lily privately:
“You can always say no to touching.”
But I left her returning to adults who believed the refusal itself was disrespectful.
The group chat revealed what happened afterward.
Helen:
Naomi has Lily thinking adults need permission to show affection now.
Carla:
She literally acts like I’m dangerous.
Frank:
She needs manners.
Daniel:
Do not force hugs.
Good.
Then:
Just tell her she can say no politely.
Also good.
Carla:
She was not polite.
Daniel:
Then address the tone, not the hug.
Reasonable.
But “address the tone” became permission.
When adults already want obedience, vague authority expands.
The next time Lily refused a hug, Carla made her sit alone for twenty minutes because:
“She said it disrespectfully.”
Daniel learned.
Said:
“That’s excessive.”
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Did not tell me.
That was his failure.
