Chapter 16 - WHY HE SMILEDI kept remembering the smile when Derek entered the bathroom.
I wanted an explanation.
My trauma therapist asked:
“What answer would make it better?”
None.
Still, during a later evidentiary interview, Derek explained through counsel.
He claimed he smiled because:
“I was relieved she hadn’t jumped from the window.”
There was no bathroom window.
Only frosted glass opening toward the bedroom? No, our bathroom had no exterior window.
His attorney corrected him.
He meant the bedroom balcony.
But I had locked myself in a bathroom.
The explanation made little sense.
Later, during a court-mandated batterer intervention assessment, Derek admitted:
“I was angry she thought a door could end the argument.”
There.
The smile was power.
Not joy at hurting me exactly.
Confidence that he had removed my last boundary.
That was the moment his behavior became clearest to me.
The broken arm was violence.
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The door was control.
He believed my refusal to continue the argument was itself an offense.
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